I started hiding from my blog when the depression started creeping in more. Why I'm so afraid to open up and share when I'm depressed, I don't know. But life gets stressful or I get sad and I withdraw. It seems to be a pattern. Yesterday, I finally gathered up my nerve and called the doctor to make an appointment. Until then, I'll keep my escapism-through-books up and let DJ help me. He told me yesterday that he's on "Team Stacy" and will help me any way he can. I love that man.
This time, I think it's anxiety more than depression. I have two major stressors right now. First is Ike's school. He has no free time. Home from school, straight to homework, then to football, then back to homework and end up in bed too late. Next morning, he's tired from too little sleep, is cranky and hard to get ready and the cycle just repeats over and over and over. He spends 2 hours a night on homework and it isn't enough, to be honest. Thank God he is such a good sport and a 'do what I'm supposed to do' kind of kid. I hate feeling like the bad guy all the time and I hate that so much of our interactions are school based. It will probably get better when football is over but that's still a month away and I am exhausted now. I just wish I could do more to help him. I wish I could help him connect the dots on reading so that school would be easier for him. Watching your child struggle through something that most people take for granted is so hard.
The second is Ana. She started therapy a few weeks ago because of some diabetes issues. She was becoming obsessed about testing and was checking her blood 20 times a day. Literally. She was testing 12 times at school and it's only 7 hours. I found a therapist that works with children that are living with chronic conditions and we had a good first meeting. She was actually able to give us a plan that eliminated the test compulsion in a day. Unfortunately, she also brought up a lot of Ana's old separation anxiety issues. That same day she was crying about how much she misses me while she's at school. A few days later and she started getting crazy lows. It was a constant stress for me. No matter what I did, she'd end up in the 40s and 50s. One afternoon she had over 70 undosed carbs. SEVENTY. And I had her basals running at 10%. That night she was high and it was confusing. I reviewed all her settings, dropped quite a few and the next day she was worse. With a 1% basal. I was panicking and couldn't figure out how to stop it. And then the nurse called and told me that she'd had another unexplainable number and she checked Ana's pump. Turns out Ana had been lying about every number. She was intentionally pretending to be low to make herself high. Why?!?! What was going on in her head?!? I left work, headed to school and picked her up then headed to a park to chat. She lied. She denied. She pretended like she had no idea what I was talking about. I finally got through to her and found out her plan. Ana knew that if she threw up, I'd come pick her up. And she knows that if she is really, really high, she throws up. She decided to fake lows to get glucose to spike high to throw up to get me to pick her up. She's seven years old and devised this plan. :( We addressed this and I truly didn't expect any issues again. This week, her therapist seemed helpful again but Ana is not thrilled about going. In a follow up conversation that night, I learned that she is sad most of the time. *heart breaks* Now, she does have fun and is a pleasant, happy kid. But then I think about myself and how depression feels and I realize that even on my worst days, no one would guess because on the outside everything is totally normal. And, what's more alarming to me is that her evaluation of herself is that she's sad all the time. Her impression of herself is sadness. I can't even express how sad and worried it makes me.
So that's my life.
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Friday, October 7, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Our triple-booked day
I apparently developed vacation brain before we even left for the beach because I managed to schedule THREE appointments for Ike on our first day back. Not just three, but three in one hour. The nutritionist was expecting him at 4:20 for an evaluation, the family doctor was expecting him for a football physical at 4:30 and the psychologist was planning to talk IEPs at 5:15. I remembered the football conflict and took care of it from the beach but the nutritionist only became an issue on Friday when they called to remind me about the appointment. I canceled as the IEP was the most time-critical. *whew*
It completely destroyed any leftover vacation mood but it was worth it. I don't remember what results I've shared, so here is the scoop.
I am so happy that we will be able to push for the type of support he needs to catch up. And you know what else made me happy? She complimented me on my research and commented that she would not have thought to do pro-rating as she has never used that option. I am the researcher in the family - I read sites, find the most helpful books, read everything I can get my hands on, talk to experts, etc. It's one of those jobs that can be depressing and draining. But in that moment, it was so worth it. I did it. My goal was to have this ADHD and learning disability question resolved before school started. I was determined to have a report in the principal's hands by the first day. And I did it. Completely and 100% on my own and based on my own observations and research. It happened. Ike is going to get the help he needs.
I may not be homeschooling anymore but I am still able to help him learn. I am his advocate. When he starts 4th grade, he'll have plans in place to help him succeed. I am so happy.
It completely destroyed any leftover vacation mood but it was worth it. I don't remember what results I've shared, so here is the scoop.
- His IQ scored at 109, which means his achievement would need to be 99 or lower to have the 10 point disparity needed for a learning disability
- He was not medicated during the IQ portion of testing but was medicated (ADHD) for the achievement portion. Unfortunately, his IQ test included three subsets of focus, attention and concentration type tests and he scored very low on them. Think 2-4 out of 18. The remainder of his subtests were 11-18. When he did the achievement tests, though, the medicine was helping and it likely impacted his score positively. So...the lows showed in IQ but not achievement.
- Because of this issue, he score at 100. Which is a 9 point disparity. To think we are one point from school accommodation and I could have delayed the meds a week and prevented it..
- She believes his IQ score is over 123, as that was his highest achievement score and you can't score above your IQ. If this is true, we have at least a 23 point disparity and we could get him extra help..but not with the 109 he have as the final scoring.
I am so happy that we will be able to push for the type of support he needs to catch up. And you know what else made me happy? She complimented me on my research and commented that she would not have thought to do pro-rating as she has never used that option. I am the researcher in the family - I read sites, find the most helpful books, read everything I can get my hands on, talk to experts, etc. It's one of those jobs that can be depressing and draining. But in that moment, it was so worth it. I did it. My goal was to have this ADHD and learning disability question resolved before school started. I was determined to have a report in the principal's hands by the first day. And I did it. Completely and 100% on my own and based on my own observations and research. It happened. Ike is going to get the help he needs.
I may not be homeschooling anymore but I am still able to help him learn. I am his advocate. When he starts 4th grade, he'll have plans in place to help him succeed. I am so happy.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Decisions, decisions...
Am I ever in a state of calm happiness about my kids' schooling? Ever??
*sigh*
Nope. Not at all. Right now, I feel so much pressure to find the right place for my kids. And, of course, my children have completely different needs so finding one school is hard. How is it that so many parents send their kids to school, are happily content with the results and then watch them eventually graduate while I obsess over everything?
Here are my issues:
1. My son struggles with the basics of writing/reading. He can read. And he has acceptable fluency and comprehension levels. However, he doesn't understand punctuation. Or grammar. Or capitalization. How he manages to do the reading and comprehension when he doesn't understand the concept of a period is beyond me. He has been taught these things multiple times but his brain simply won't retain them. We're working on it at home and he'll learn it all again and this time I'll push very regular repetition so that it eventually sticks. He may someday be the only 10th grader doing comma worksheets ;-) I feel in my heart that once he finally absorbs the basics, everything else will fall into place. He does great at every other subject but his reading is holding him back to such an extent that his teacher recommends retention. This summer will be spent on the building blocks of language - sentence structure, punctuation, capitalization, spelling - and drills in math. Adding, subtracting, multiplying...lots of flashcards in our future. I'm not concerned with him going to fourth grade and feel that this summer will help him start fourth grade with a better grasp of basics. For him, I'm looking for a smaller classroom, teachers that interact with students, more individualized learning and a willingness to communicate with parents. At the same time, I want a student body large enough to give him the social life he thrives on and the fun extras he likes to participate in.
2. My daughter, on the other hand, thrives on challenges. She gets bored easily and is a very focused, serious child. She is diligent to a fault. I need to find a school that will let her progress at her level and will give her a push when she feels unwilling to do something because it's new. She needs someone that will accept her reserved nature but encourage her to play well with others. She's creative and needs an outlet. I want a school that can handle that...and keep her safe. Because, as you know, our number one goal in life is keeping her safe. Diabetes management is a 24/7 job. There is never a time where you can slack off or take a break from it. I need her in an environment that protects her. She needs to be surrounded by people who want to help her and are willing to learn about diabetes and become experts in the care of a 7 year old that happens to be diabetic.
The solution isn't our public school. I feel like they have failed my son. The teacher complains about his focus but won't help us with assessments. The principal and teacher tell us he isn't achieving what he should but won't offer additional support. No tutoring, no one-on-one teaching, and they denied him testing. Yes, you read that correctly. I requested it in writing, twice. Denied. As long as he is learning something, he can't have a learning disability. Seriously, that is their approach. My next step is to contact the state's department of education and work through them to force the school. We decided to opt out of that and pursue testing on our own as we are looking at a likely delay of 6 months during the fight. I consider that shameful. Now, they did well with my daughter's diabetes care last fall...but she would be transitioning to my son's school this year because of the grade change. And, honestly, if they can't provide testing for a student they want to fail, do I really want them keeping my daughter alive?
So there we are. I've looked at open enrollment. In my quasi-rural area there are very few choices. In fact, the only one I would consider due to my son's needs is already capped on enrollment thanks to other parents in my district that thought of it first. Most of their open enrollment comes from my school. Nice, isn't it? Homeschooling again isn't an option I want to consider. If it needed to happen, I would do it...but it's not the best option for my son or I. For my daughter, it's an option but she has requested to try school again so it's not my first choice. Private schools are few and far between. Most have religious affiliations I would prefer to avoid. And let's not even talk about the costs - yikes!
Through a friend we found a non-denominational, small private school. I'm not sure I believe the true non-denominational label but I'm willing to pretend. It's more conservative and narrow-minded than I am but I'm comfortable with re-educating at home ;-) Surprisingly, it's affordable. Barely, but we would find a way. No school nurse, though. And no organized sports. Everything else is a good match.
Right now, this school is winning. But I'm not convinced. And that school nurse thing...huge.
I hate this. And we still have 10 years of school to figure out! Eek!
*sigh*
Nope. Not at all. Right now, I feel so much pressure to find the right place for my kids. And, of course, my children have completely different needs so finding one school is hard. How is it that so many parents send their kids to school, are happily content with the results and then watch them eventually graduate while I obsess over everything?
Here are my issues:
1. My son struggles with the basics of writing/reading. He can read. And he has acceptable fluency and comprehension levels. However, he doesn't understand punctuation. Or grammar. Or capitalization. How he manages to do the reading and comprehension when he doesn't understand the concept of a period is beyond me. He has been taught these things multiple times but his brain simply won't retain them. We're working on it at home and he'll learn it all again and this time I'll push very regular repetition so that it eventually sticks. He may someday be the only 10th grader doing comma worksheets ;-) I feel in my heart that once he finally absorbs the basics, everything else will fall into place. He does great at every other subject but his reading is holding him back to such an extent that his teacher recommends retention. This summer will be spent on the building blocks of language - sentence structure, punctuation, capitalization, spelling - and drills in math. Adding, subtracting, multiplying...lots of flashcards in our future. I'm not concerned with him going to fourth grade and feel that this summer will help him start fourth grade with a better grasp of basics. For him, I'm looking for a smaller classroom, teachers that interact with students, more individualized learning and a willingness to communicate with parents. At the same time, I want a student body large enough to give him the social life he thrives on and the fun extras he likes to participate in.
2. My daughter, on the other hand, thrives on challenges. She gets bored easily and is a very focused, serious child. She is diligent to a fault. I need to find a school that will let her progress at her level and will give her a push when she feels unwilling to do something because it's new. She needs someone that will accept her reserved nature but encourage her to play well with others. She's creative and needs an outlet. I want a school that can handle that...and keep her safe. Because, as you know, our number one goal in life is keeping her safe. Diabetes management is a 24/7 job. There is never a time where you can slack off or take a break from it. I need her in an environment that protects her. She needs to be surrounded by people who want to help her and are willing to learn about diabetes and become experts in the care of a 7 year old that happens to be diabetic.
The solution isn't our public school. I feel like they have failed my son. The teacher complains about his focus but won't help us with assessments. The principal and teacher tell us he isn't achieving what he should but won't offer additional support. No tutoring, no one-on-one teaching, and they denied him testing. Yes, you read that correctly. I requested it in writing, twice. Denied. As long as he is learning something, he can't have a learning disability. Seriously, that is their approach. My next step is to contact the state's department of education and work through them to force the school. We decided to opt out of that and pursue testing on our own as we are looking at a likely delay of 6 months during the fight. I consider that shameful. Now, they did well with my daughter's diabetes care last fall...but she would be transitioning to my son's school this year because of the grade change. And, honestly, if they can't provide testing for a student they want to fail, do I really want them keeping my daughter alive?
(Never knew that dyslexics are often creative and imaginative thinkers? One famous example is Albert Einstein; another is Thomas Edison!)
So there we are. I've looked at open enrollment. In my quasi-rural area there are very few choices. In fact, the only one I would consider due to my son's needs is already capped on enrollment thanks to other parents in my district that thought of it first. Most of their open enrollment comes from my school. Nice, isn't it? Homeschooling again isn't an option I want to consider. If it needed to happen, I would do it...but it's not the best option for my son or I. For my daughter, it's an option but she has requested to try school again so it's not my first choice. Private schools are few and far between. Most have religious affiliations I would prefer to avoid. And let's not even talk about the costs - yikes!
Through a friend we found a non-denominational, small private school. I'm not sure I believe the true non-denominational label but I'm willing to pretend. It's more conservative and narrow-minded than I am but I'm comfortable with re-educating at home ;-) Surprisingly, it's affordable. Barely, but we would find a way. No school nurse, though. And no organized sports. Everything else is a good match.
Right now, this school is winning. But I'm not convinced. And that school nurse thing...huge.
I hate this. And we still have 10 years of school to figure out! Eek!
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