Diaversary

It's official. Ana has been diabetic for 5 years. It may sound crazy to outsiders but I always celebrate the day. Don't get me wrong...diabetes sucks...  The celebration, though, is a way to remember that our reactions and our everyday actions can be positive. We can make it a part of life, work within the disease to keep her as healthy as possible and always be there for her when she is so tired of it that she can't deal with it anymore.

This is a huge knock-wood thing for me, but I greet each new anniversary as a time to pat myself on the back. "Another year without glucagon!" I proudly think. And knock on wood. "Another year without hospitalization!" I compliment myself. And knock on wood. "Ana is amazing!" I brag to everyone I know. Because, you know what? She is. She's been doing her blood checks for years. Since she was 4, maybe? Perhaps even earlier. She was handling all of own boluses at 6. At 7, she is starting to calculate her own carbs and will tell me things like, "The serving size is 5 crackers and it's 10 carbs so since I'm having 11 crackers it's 22 carbs." She's in that middle ground of knowledge - she's realized that diabetes isn't going to go away but she doesn't realize the dangers or complications of diabetes. She's so hopeful of a cure and has already planned what she will do, which is throw everything in the driveway and jump up and down on it and then tell us to drive over it. She tells me this with awesome joy in her hope and I hide the cynical part of my brain that says, "Honey, you won't need us to drive over it because there won't be a cure before you learn to drive!"

This year, since diabetes management is slowly sliding into her responsibility, I explained that I have always had a party to celebrate the anniversary because I'm so excited at how fabulous we are at kicking diabetes' butt. Then I told her that she's old enough to decide how to acknowledge the day...and even to decide that she didn't want to, if that was her preference. She happily picked dinner and ice cream at Friendly's. Ike was struck down by a massive migraine so she was able to pick her date and she happily skipped to the car with DJ.

While they were away, Ike was able to sleep for about an hour. At that point, his pain increased to the point that he woke himself up with his own screams. That's our worst migraine scenario. Ideally, he notices the migraine at early onset and we give him a painkiller and get him to bed. They make him tired and he can often fall asleep before it gets bad and then sleep it off. Not that night. He woke up, screaming, with full body pain, chills, sweating, abdominal pain and a massive headache. Nothing hurts a mom's heart like seeing their child suffer and knowing there is nothing they can do to help. I laid in bed with him, unable to touch him because of the pain and able to offer nothing but my presence. It finally went away and he drug his exhausted little body to bed to recover.

Ana's diabetes is there. It's always there. We never get a break. We think about her blood glucose levels all the time. Her pump administers insulin every six minutes, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It's such a massive thing and we have just absorbed it into our lives. She'll eventually move out, have roommates, boy friends, husband...she'll have this disease in her relationships and it will affect so much of what she does. Whoever loves Ana will need to understand and support and help her. She'll know this from day one of any relationship. It seems massive. And then I watched Ike's misery and pain and I realized that little guy doesn't have diabetes...but someday he'll have to disclose asthma, allergies, migraines, ADD (officially diagnosed last week), stomach issues, anxiety...and maybe dyslexia. Oh, and he's had a few surgeries...both for genetically passed birth defects. Ana has this one thing. This one huge thing. But Ike has so, so many. He'll need to learn how to juggle new relationships, exams, jobs...everything...against this list of randomly occurring issues. And the idea of a husband with that list of diagnoses seems huge...but it will be a reality for my someday daughter-in-law. They'll work through everything and adapt because that's just what you do.

Ever since she's been diagnosed, Ana has been the one whose health I've worried about. She's the one with this all-consuming disease. I've had this little part of my heart that allowed itself to actually feel sorry for her. And, in my mind, I've always thought of Ike as the lucky one just because he managed to avoid the diabetes prize in the health lottery. Five years in and I've suddenly realized that I spend more time worrying about his health. Ana's diabetes has become our 'easy' disease; Ike's litany of diagnoses has become my challenge. We'll never have a day to celebrate as things have evolved one issue at a time over the years but we'll eventually get everything under control and it will become so totally normal that in 5 years I'll look back and think, "I remember when this seemed overwhelming!"

And, Diabetes, if you are reading this, you had better watch out. I'm tough but Ana is going to be a ninja of diabetes control. She plans to stomp you out of existence. And I completely believe in her.