I want a day off.

A real one. A day without work, doctor visits, school work, dinner, whining children.  A day spent in pajamas with a pile of books. Oh, and if someone would cook me a fabulous dinner, even better. If my house suddenly sprouted an extra bathroom with a jacuzzi tub, that would be superb.

Ana came back to homeschooling in January. For the next four months, I did school with her on Wednesdays, Friday, Saturday and Sunday (I'm off on two of those days and work evenings on the other two.) The other days, I went to work. While I'm only part-time, it's still so time-consuming. Up early, spend 50 minutes getting myself and the kids ready, one on the bus and one to the sitter, commute to work, work, reverse route, get home and spend 2 hours going through backpacks, doing homework, starting dinner. I was exhausted. And my days off weren't really days off.

In my head, though, I kept telling myself that it was okay because summer break would eventually get here. I finished Ana's school and started doing more intensive work with Ike. His doctor appointments starting piling up, then school finally ended but Ana's appointments began.

How do I spend my days off? I spend hours in the car, drive all over, juggle tons of appointments and all their related paperwork. When the kids are sick, how do we cover it? Well, I work with a company that is always open and I have a job that is rather flexible so I cover everything. Not everything, I guess, but 98% of stuff. And that other 2% doesn't fall into my lap - it's stuff that I've specifically told DJ to handle.  I write Ana's health plan, I research diseases, I learn about diagnoses, I design the summer school program, read stacks of books about everything we're facing. I track logs and order meds. In case you haven't noticed, I'm basically pointing out that I have a serious Martyr Syndrome outbreak in my head. I've convinced myself that I am juggling everything. That everything is in my court. That the world would grind to a stop if I didn't do so much. Is that true? Nope. In fact, DJ handles our finances. He does 98% of the household stuff. With the kids each taking 1% and me doing nothing. ;-) He plays with the kids, teaches them how to ride bikes and listens to all the (really bad) jokes they make up. Do I want to trade jobs with him? Not at all. No way, no how. But, do I want to stop doing my jobs? Sometimes.

I've had Ana to the doctor twice and hospital once in the past 3 weeks. In that same time, Ike has been to two appointments. Our eye exams may fall in there somewhere, too. On my calendar, I have five more medical appointments in the next three weeks, plus I need to get Ana ready for camp and Ike ready for vacation. I have paperwork to complete for one of those visits and I have to make a two week diabetes log. That will be so much fun because we're having crazy times around here. Poor kid has been on multiple medications and have various infections (three labels so far) and each one has screwed with her numbers in a unique and unpredictable way. I'll take this log to the doctor and they will be appalled. And who will look like the crappy mom? Me. And since she's still not cured of everything, it's not like the charts are going to get any better.

*sigh*

I think my next completely unscheduled day is July 20. And I'll have both kids home with me all day.

Perhaps it's time to plan that movie day I wanted for my birthday :)

Or perhaps it's time to take a day off work and not tell anyone ;-) Drop off the kids, buy a bar of chocolate, pick up some new chick lit books at the library and just hide at home until it's time to pick up Ike and Ana.  You know, I think that's the most brilliant idea I've had in awhile. My little martyr self and I can hang out for awhile and then I can give her the boot!